Birthday.

Hello again, everyone!

I write to you now one whole year older than when we last spoke. What a year it has been. Thinking back on it, there have been so many radical changes in my life over the past year, most of them for the good, and I have a feeling that this year things will only continue to get better and better with more positive changes on the horizon. I genuinely can't wait to see what 23 has to offer me.

Getting another year older helps to take things into perspective and really see how you have changed and grown over the course of a year. A year ago turning 22, I had just graduated college and I wish feeling full of ambition and drive, but I was also nervous and lost and unsure of where to go with the next part of my life. I remember feeling so overwhelmed and pressured about where the next steps of my life would take me. Shortly thereafter, when I moved to Chicago, I noticed a gradual shift in my personality. Things I thought were once so important didn't seem to matter anymore to me. Although I would still struggle and battle with my anxiety, I began to tell myself that life would continue on no matter what turmoil I seemed to be facing. It's an amazing realization once you accept that simple fact: life just goes on. It simply continues to revolve around you, the minutes passing at the same velocity for you as they do for the stranger standing next to you at the train station.

In this past year, my relationship with Brent has also grown to a new place. We went the longest period yet without seeing each other, as he left in the winter to move to the Netherlands. As gut wrenching as it was at times to cry and cry until my throat was raw when I missed him so, it also helped me to grow independently as a person and learn to truly live for myself. When we were reunited in the spring, this made me appreciate him even more. By being two capable and independent people when we are apart, we are just that much stronger and I breakable when we are together. I find myself falling in love with him over and over again when he does the kindest things for me, and works to make our relationship strong even when we are apart. I am truly blessed to have had him by my side over the past year.

Moving abroad for the second time in my life has also changed me drastically as a person. The experience that I am currently having here is so much different than the first time that I lived in Europe. I think back to that time, so short and so long ago, and I marvel at how much in have changed since then. My current life in Belgium has taught me how strong my resolve is when the going gets tough. Anyone who is close to me has heard of the fears, doubts, and insecurities that I have had living here. Although I may talk of confidence and independence and bravery, I'm no impervious stone woman. I have been broken and down and small and unsure. But that's just a testament to how far I know I can go. I may get pushed down but there's never been a time that I have stayed down. I have continued on and I am proud of myself for that. Life will always have it's battles and hard moments, no matter where I am in the world. Because happiness is not a place, it is a state of being. If you can't find happiness within yourself on the darkest of nights to light the way, then you can search the world over and you will still eventually come home empty handed and frowning.

In these dark moments, I tend to take a lot of things for granted and talk about all of the things that I don't have and the things that I want to have. But honestly, it's time to take a step back and literally count my blessings for the things that I do have. I have an amazing family who is by no means perfect but they are mine and I am theirs and they have supported me in my crazy endeavors over the past year and continued to love me. My amazing group of girlfriends has done the same, being a never ending source of support and laughter and joy. I am by no means rich, but I have a home to live in, a car to drive, and education, food to eat, and most importantly good people to share these things with. I have love. Love from so many amazing, wonderful people. I give love. I will never stop giving love because life is too short not to.

I feel so old and wise and so young and foolish all at once. I go from planning my adult life one moment, making budgets and signing leases and paying bills, to relishing in my fleeting youth and channeling my mothers spirit, dancing to Bruce Springsteen to shake the stress away.

At 23, I have lived in 3 countries, traveled to three continents, ten countries, learned to speak three languages, and visited dozens of beautiful places and sites. I am beyond thankful for these things. I can't say I'm lucky though, because it was all through hard work as desire that I made these opportunities happen for myself. There was no divine luck that threw these things into my lap. This past year has firmed my resolved that I can truly do anything I put my mind to with some hard work and a positive state of mind. And when I forget that fact, I have the ones I love to remind me of it.

So, 23. How did I celebrate the passing of the year? Well, Friday I left Belgium around 5 and got on the lovely 7 hour train ride to Groningen to go see Brent. Although the ride was long, it is always more than worth it to see him. Sadly, while I was on the train I missed the Netherlands playing Spain in the World Cup. However, I was greeted at the train station by Brent showing his Dutch pride! The under dog team defeated the current world champions 5-1! Needless to say, as we rode through the city center on his bike together, the whole city was in a state of madness, orange flags covering every building and flags waving from all the building and draped around people's shoulders. I truly love the spirit that accompanies the World Cup, it brings out such emotion and pride in everyone, young and old. So even though it was one am, after dropping off my bag at Brent's place, we of course began drinking orange heinekens and celebrating with the rest of the country! With some of his friends, we went to a bar that was literally perfect for me, called The Warhol. Alternative music with barrels painted as Campbell's soup cans for tables dotted the electric walls with projections of Andy's paintings twisted and warped like kaleidoscopes on the walls. After a few hours, we bikes home at 4:30 with the dawn on the horizon and exhaustedly went to sleep.

Saturday, we woke up and ventured out in search of pastries for breakfast. We ate them in a park with a nice view of the city center, and then we went to indulge in some birthday shopping for me, and Brent graciously bought me some dresses as a birthday present. After shopping, we walked into the fish market, and strolled among all the fresh food vendors while snacking on some fish nuggets and enjoying the nice weather together. We walked around the city for a few hours with no particular agenda other than enjoying our time together.

Around dinner time, we biked home and bought groceries to make dinner. After making dinner, a bunch of Brent's friends from his floor and I started to play some drinking games getting ready to go out for the night. It was the 400 year anniversary of his university so there had been weeks of celebration in the city leading up to this final night of partying in the city center. After some intense rounds of slap cup, flip cup, and beer pong, which were funny to explain to so many foreign people from all over the world who don't know how to play them, we headed out in our bike brigade downtown.

Finding a place among the thousands of bikes, we chained them up and headed towards the fish market, one of the main plazas where there was a stage set up with dj music going on. Enjoying some beers, we danced for a while, and even played a public round of potatoes, a super silly and rather pointless polish game, which is none the less super fun.

After a little while of this, we left the square to head to a speciality shot bar called "chupitos" which means "shots" in Spanish. Aptly named, eh? After ordering a "Harry Potter shot" and an "American pie shot", both of which were lit on fire before we drank them, we headed to The Three Sisters to watch some of the England versus Italy match. Sadly, England lost, but they put up a good fight. We biked home and headed to bed.

This morning, I woke to to a nice little note and breakfast from Brent for my birthday. He also got me a new charm for my pandora bracelet, a windmill, to represent our time spent in Benelux together. It is absolutely perfect and I love it. It may be the favorite charm on my bracelet, so far.

We made our way into town for lunch together at a restaurant and then we stopped at the store to pick me up snacks for the train ride home. After that, it was already time for me to get on the train again to go back to Belgium. Every time I say goodbye to him part of me is so so sad. Even though I always know I will see him again soon. But the next time I see him in 16 days from now, it will be for the last time with this long distance relationship. Because in 16 days I will leave Belgium for the final time and I will meet Brent in Amsterdam and we will fly off to Croatia together to meet his sister for a great vacation! I am beyond excited. So close yet so far away.

After Croatia, I will be flying home to Chicago on July 11. Less than one month away! I am so excited to see everyone that I have missed so much and to begin the next chapter of my life with Brent in Florida.

As soon as I got off the train in Arlon, Sebastien picked me up and took me back home. The girls had made a banner as hung ribbons over my bedroom door that said "happy birday". It was so sweet I started crying.

Well friends, thank each and everyone of you for the birthday well wishes. It means a lot to me. Even being so far away from home you helped make this birthday a special one. Thank you <3

As always, thanks for reading.
XOXO