One Month In

Hello, Everyone!

For some reason, I have notice that I tend to find myself blogging on Tuesdays. I need to make an effort to be blogging more than once a week! In any event, let me tell you about my past week.

Last week, the girls did not have English classes because their instructor was away on holiday in Italy with her husband. So that was nice, since it was one less thing I had to worry about taking care of. Nothing super special happened last week, other than the fact that it rained all week long, all of this weekend, and for the foreseeable future, most of this week, as well. The rain is really getting me down. It's making me stir crazy. Usually when the weather is nice, the girls like to play outside on the trampoline or ride their bikes or use their roller blades. However, we haven't played outside in almost two weeks now since it's been non-stop raining! This isn't good for any of us, because anyone who knows anything about kids knows that if you don't keep them active and entertained they start to get cranky, and then they fight with each other, which is of course not good! So this past week we have done a lot of arts and crafts and played a lotttttt of Mario Bros on the Wii. I hope the weather gets better tout suite so that we can get back to playing outside!

I have also noticed that being outside with the girls is not only good for them, but good for me as well because it makes me active and helps me get exercise. The endorphins of exercise are really good for mental well being, and physical as well. With the combination of the rain plus little exercise, the mood was low. So I finally kicked myself in the butt to get into a routine of running in the mornings. I do love to run, but getting into a routine the first week is always hard, especially when the routes are all crazy hills and it's raining outside! But running has not only been a good way to help me stay in good mental and physical shape, it has helped me see more of the city of Arlon. Like many European city centers, there is very limited access by car, which means that it is easiest to see on foot or on bike. Running through the downtown area has given me access to seeing what is out there, so that at another time I can come back and explore more. I really haven't gotten to explore my new hometown very much, simply because of the fact that I am busy all week with the girls, and then on the weekends I am either traveling to another city, or I find myself busy with other things around the house/with the family.

It has already been a month since I have been here in Europe now, and my weekends so far have been as follows: I arrived in Belgium and the first weekend I departed for Italy with the family. I was there for that first weekend/week, and then the second weekend was spent in Belgium for Easter with Catherine's family. The third weekend, I had my first weekend at home in Arlon with the family, but I really didn't have any time to explore the city then, because I ended up doing things with the family like shopping and errands, and then that Saturday the parents went to Brussels so I stayed home with the girls. The following weekend, the first weekend of May, I spent a long weekend in the Netherlands with Brent. Last weekend, although I was home in Arlon, I didn't get a chance to go out and do much.

As I have explained to some of my friends, I am in the odd paradox that is being a nanny. I am neither fully an employee nor fully a family member, and I fall into that weird space in between. Although the weekends are mine to do what I please, I find it sometimes hard to extricate myself from the family life because I want to spend time with them and get to know them, and I don't want them to think that I am avoiding them by spending time alone or outside the home. However, I do want time to myself as well, and time to travel both outside the city, and explore the city that I live in. It's hard for me to find a balance.

This past weekend, I was home, but Fridays basically can't be considered the weekend because by the time the girls get home at 7 from English class and eat dinner and go to bed, it's already around 9ish and I am tired too, from a long week. This Saturday, the Collards hosted a dinner party. They had 6 friends over, and those 6 friends also brought their 4 kids, which made for a total of 8 adults, 6 children, and me in the house that evening. Again, I found myself in a weird limbo like I did on Easter. Do I try to socialize with the adults even though I can't understand everything that's going on? Or do I run around after all the kids making sure they don't hurt themselves or each other and/or destroy the house? And also like Easter, I tried my hand at both of these things, and it didn't seem that I fit in anywhere. In the beginning of the evening, I had champagne and appetizers with the adults and tried to make small talk in French and fit into what they were talking about. Everyone was very kind, but it's hard to feel included when you don't quite understand everything that is being said. I would nod when everyone would nod, and laugh when everyone would laugh, and frown and make disapproving faces when everyone would do the same. But this can only last for so long, because I feel more like a puppet than an actual human with feelings and thoughts to contribute to the conversations. So I attempted to go hang out with/monitor the children. There were my two girls, two other girls around their age, and two little boys. For the first few hours, they were rowdy and energetic, and like on Easter, they just wanted to play and really didn't want to have anything to do with me. So I was in an awkward limbo between not being wanted by children, and not feeling comfortable around adults. Well, isn't that just a grand metaphor for the life of a twenty-something who has no idea what they are doing with their life?

Because of seating arrangements, I also had to end up eating at the kids table. Again, if you know anything about young kids, meal time is always a challenge to make sure they actually eat enough and not spill things all over themselves and the floor. Multiple that by six, and that is what I was dealing with. Thankfully, there were no major incidents! After we ate, things started to go down hill. The adults didn't start eating dinner until about 10pm, and that was only the first course of many. The kids all started to get tired and cranky and because of this they started to fight with each other. Even though I am not obligated to work on the weekends, how can I feel not obligated to make sure the kids are okay and not hitting each other while all the adults laugh and drink downstairs? The later into the night it got, the more frustrated I became because the kids were all getting tired and so was I. After I put Emma and Elise to bed around 1am, the adults and their kids were still here, I gave up and went to my room to go to bed. I found out on Sunday that everyone left at around 3am.

Don't get me wrong, I know that big friend/family gatherings can go on for a long time, and that we all love to socialize, but I just thought it was insensitive of the parents to keep their kids awake that long at someone elses house where they don't have the opportunity to sleep. Maybe this is just yet another cultural difference. Or maybe adults everywhere just really like to have a good time once in a while, even when they have young kids.

So Sunday, everyone was tired and the day seemed to drag on. I am ashamed to admit that I have started reading 50 Shades of Grey, because it is one of the only English novels in the house, and when it's rainy and I'm bored, I like to read. I need to make it a point to get to a book store and see if I can have any luck finding something in English...

Sunday was also Mother's Day, both here and at home in the United States. The girls and I had gone on a secret mission to the store earlier in the week to buy Catherine a white orchid (her favorite) and they hid it in my apartment for a few days. It was a hard day for me, because it really made me miss my family and my mom, especially. I got to FaceTime with family for the first time since coming to Belgium. For those of you who don't know, my family home doesn't have Internet access of any kind, so we rely on WhatsApp and FaceTime to communicate, since Skype isn't really an option unless they take my laptop to a coffee shop with free wifi. Even then, my parents are kind of computer challenged, so this is not as easily done. Regardless, we were all able to FaceTime, since my sister just moved home for the summer, and I was so happy to see their faces and hear their voices that it made me cry. I cried instantly when I saw my mom. The saying is true, that you truly do not know what you have until it is gone. Seeing them made me realize just how deeply that I miss them, so it was a very bittersweet moment. I hope that in the future we can FaceTime more often, so that we can keep in better touch.

I also was able to Skype with many of my friends in the past week and weekend, which was wonderful to be able to see their faces and spend a few hours talking and catching up on life. It is amazing how much happens in just one short month. Thank goodness for modern technology.

Sunday was a long day, after all my chats with family and friends. I didn't get much sleep because I had to wake up early on Monday morning to take the girls to school. I normally don't have to do this, since their mom does it, but she had to leave at 6am to spend the day working in Brussels, and the dad always leaves for work in Luxembourg around 6:30, so they asked if I could take them. Of course, I said yes, so I got them up and ready for school and took them at 8:30. After dropping them off, I was tempted to go back to bed, but I made myself go out for a run even though it was raining. I saw my French professor walking in town and I waved at him as I ran by but I am not sure that he recognized me since my hair was all slicked back to my head with rain and sweat and he was using an umbrella. After coming home and showering, I made chili for lunch, and thankfully the girls liked it. I am glad that they are mostly good with food, so I usually don't have to worry too much about what they will eat. After picking them up from school in the afternoon, we came home and had a quick snack and I took Elise to her English lesson. She hates it. She doesn't like to learn it, and so she just blocks it out. When I try to help her with English or talk to her in English (only things I know she can understand, of course) she pretends she doesn't understand or she just ignores me. I'm just like, giiiirrrrllllll, how do you think I feel?! I know how hard it is to learn another language! But she just won't level with me, and she begs her mom to drop of out of English classes, but thankfully her mother won't let her. Smart woman! Emma is very good with English, and she likes to speak and practice with me and read bedtime stories in English. She is excited to go to classes and to learn more. I guess everyone has their different skills and interests, which is good.

On Monday night, Brent and I decided to make last minute plans to visit Antwerp, a large city in the north of Belgium, this weekend. So I bought my train ticket and booked our hostel. I am very excited to see him! With this weekend planned, plus the final weekend of May (we have a five day trip planned to visit Brussels and Bruges, the capital of Belgium, and the "Venice of the North", respectively) we will see each other every other weekend in May, so that's great!

Today, Tuesday May 13, is Catherine's birthday! So thankfully, this week she has been in a very good mood and there haven't been any problems with us. We had a lovely conversation today at lunch, and I hope that now that it's been just over a month, that we have come to a turning point and that she is starting to like and trust me more. I am feeling confident about it. Tonight I have my french class, and I have a test on Thursday, my first one! I am nervous, but I am studying hard!

Other than that, there is nothing big planned this week. Just getting through all the daily activities of cooking and homework and play time, and French lessons. Then I will leave to see Brent in Antwerp this weekend. I promise to try and actually get some pictures up, I know I have been bad about that!

Have a great week, everyone! I love you all and I miss you so much! As always, thank you for taking the time to read my posts :)
XOXO

PS-- Fun Fact: if a kid sticks a piece of food up their nose, they will almost always eat it anyway, afterwords.